It takes a village to raise a family. I didn’t understand that completely until I became a parent.

I think parenting struggles change like seasons. As you overcome one, another arises. Why? Because children don’t stop growing and maturing and as they grow and mature new challenges arise.

When my son was several months old, it was excessive spitting up, a year later it was separation anxiety, now its tantrums and finding a consistent reliable and trustworthy babysitter.

For many parents finding a babysitter is simple and easy: mom and dad live nearby and they are almost always available, relatives are ample and can easily rotate, countless backups are available if family and close friends are not, or simply the best stranger you ever met has done well with other families and is trustworthy to watch over your kids.

Finding a babysitter used to be that simple and easy for us. Mom almost never said no for whatever reason and sister had more availability. If those options were exhausted, the in-laws were our next “go to’s.” As Aaron got older, things began to change: schedules changed and well lets just say that my munchkin became way too active for the parents to keep up with him. I can’t fault them for that: Aaron is climbing my back like a monkey as I write. You need to have the energy of a 5 year old and the patience of a teacher to handle him.

So, our options have grown to close friends and church family. However, with families and children of their own even their help is not always guaranteed.

There have been countless times my husband and I have sat on the couch in sheer disappointment having reached out to all of our options to find that we would have to give up another date night or another opportunity to hang with human beings our age.

I remember an opportunity once to spend a day in the Hamptons with some friends. On the day of,  the sitter canceled on me. What do you do in the moment of a last minute cancel?: reach out to all possible options to find out none are available?

Paramount Pictures / Via buzzfeed.com

So it turns out parents need a great support system. It turns out, it does take a village. Parents need individuals other than themselves to help parent and foster growth and development. No matter what you think, you can’t do it all by yourself.

So, if you don’t have one already, its time to let out your inhibitions and rally up a team.

We are now on a quest to somehow find a consistent and reliable individual to care for our son upon our beckon call so to speak. As a parent a million and one concerns surface because of the unsafe and often corrupt world we live in. You have to rely on instinct and wisdom to choose the right stranger (literally). It is one of the hardest things parents have to do. If you thought finding a babysitter was the struggle. Beware, it is not the only one.

As a parent, you look forward to the opportunities where you have no obligations and complete and utter freedom. So at some point you have to suck up the challenge and say well, “I’m a parent and it comes with the territory.” A wise person once said, “sometimes you just have to put on your big girl panties.” So that’s what we do (the men wearing big boy underpants ofcourse) and we either give up a date night or two or find the support system we need.

On a practical note:

1. Talk to people in your network about reliable & trustworthy sitters they can recommend and start interviewing.
2. Join sites care.com and urbansitter.com and read reviews and recommendations and start interviewing.
3. Always ask for references

On a spiritual note: the one and only one rule is to rely on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and instruction.

Happy Trails!

Normel Smith

Wife to an amazing husband, mother to an exploring toddler and an MPA graduate aspiring to impact the world with encouragement in mothering and in social entrepreneurship.