What is friendship anyway? 

Well think back to the time you first met the ones in your life. What do you remember?

Courtesy of Andrew St. Jean of Nothing Too Special Photography

When I look back, I remember making connections with people who had common interests, wits, desires/wants and even personalities. I also remember those that were supportive, encouraging, motivating and inspiring. Those kinds of connections are usually with people you like and enjoy being with. Those connections no matter how shallow or deep are friendships.

No matter how you look at it or define it, I’ve come to realization that its a necessity. Its human nature to desire and want companionship and God knew that from the beginning of time. God shows he recognized that in Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (ESV), which says:

Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toll. For if the fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him — a threefold cord is not quickly broken”

In the last post about friendship, What You Need To Know About Friendship, by Nadia Atkinson, we were given a break down on the different levels of friendship. It showed how important it is to know the different roles each type of friendship plays in your life. It lets you know how to identify with certain friendships and how deep you can go with whom.

The  renowned, Bishop T.D. Jakes gives his rendition on levels of friendships here as well. Reading through it helped me to see that understanding levels of friendships also prepares you for what to expect or not expect and to be at peace with both.

Blogger and First Lady Lashan Cochy of Pages of a Pastor’s Wife says that even “Jesus understood the depths of his relationships.” This revelation comes from Mark 14:32-42 when Jesus goes to Gethsamane to pray, leaves the disciples behind, takes 3 of them a little further with him and then ventures off alone even further to pray. She shows that Jesus knew that only a few could go into the garden with him. Those few were the only ones he asked to watch and pray with him.

The connections look different for everyone and because no single person will embody all that defines a friend nor embody every little detail of what you expect. Once you can establish the levels of your friendships, you can then sift out what is real and true.

I want to take you a little deeper into my thoughts, my meditations and revelations because I value you as a reader. I think its important for all of us to know that we are not meant to be alone. I think it is important for all of us to be assured that the ones that stick near to you are supposed to be there and to be comforted in the fact that you will go through life with them. If you don’t feel comfortable with that fact, then you DEFINITELY need to read on.

Friendship should be a cherished and nurtured relationship in your life. It should be a space in your life where you are comfortable to be yourself and unafraid to be the person you are and are becoming. It should be a safe place, comfortable place, a free place, a trusted place, a place of understanding and an unhindered place. But let’s be real, human beings are faulty and imperfect in their own right. So don’t mistake individuals for the end all be all. Subsequently, don’t be so quick to write them off because he or she is NOT the end all and be all.

So it goes without saying, when it comes to recognizing true friendship, we must realize some very real facts.

“We love because He FIRST loved us.” (1 John 4:19) AND He called us friend BEFORE we called Him friend (John 15:13-15).

Initially, friendship is born from being one-sided. It starts from a place of need from one person that another provides. A true friendship will start from this place and evolve into a mutually reciprocated need fulfillment. I think the hardest thing for humans is to give even when it is not reciprocated. Christians say yes to Jesus and many of us do not show him the love and attention he deserves. However, it does not change the fact that he calls us FRIEND. A true friend will give even when it is not being reciprocated. If all people in that connection are doing this, its a true friendship.

Commitment and Loyalty are non-negotiable.

I admire the relationship of Jonathan and David in the bible. Jonathan remained committed and loyal to David despite his father’s hatred towards him because he valued the friendship. He recognized David for who he was and never wavered.

“As iron sharpens iron, so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend” (Proverbs 27:17)

True friends build each other up. True friends have something to offer one another and never withhold it because it means that someone is going to benefit and grow from it.

It goes without saying: recognizing true friendship is about understanding the levels of friendships and the value each of the connections uniquely add to your life.

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Are you able to recognize the true friendships in your life? What makes them true friendships to you? 

Normel Smith

Wife to an amazing husband, mother to an exploring toddler and an MPA graduate aspiring to impact the world with encouragement in mothering and in social entrepreneurship.