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When Psychology Affects My Marriage

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Photo Credit: Sachi Villareal

No, I’m not talking about the academic kind: the study of the mind and behavior itself.

I’m talking about the way a person thinks. I’m talking about when how you have grown up, which ultimately shapes the way you think takes a hold of the expectations you place on your spouse and subsequently how those conversations are carried out.

I had quite the epiphany today although to some it may seem quite obvious. Let me take the time to share the events leading up to that epiphany.

Dear husband comes home from work, finds little one playing in his crib and wife washing those darn cloth diapers she hates so much (I really have to find a better brand) and kisses her hello.

Wife, that is I, proceeds to the kitchen to take advantage of hubby’s presence to cook the munchkin’s meals for the next day or so. I then join Stephen and little Aaron-Ethan (yes, hubby=Stephen and munchkin=Aaron-Ethan) in the living room for a bit of family time.

Somehow in the midst of the “how was your day” conversation we found ourselves debating on how good or bad or non-affecting microwaved food can be for Aaron. It just came down to “dude, that’s just not acceptable.”

Call me crazy but I refuse to expose my kid, who has only been on this earth for one year to microwaved food (just my personal preference). I did read some good advice on the worry-nots of motherhood…but this is one of those things I’m choosing to ignore.

We ended on the note of “let’s just agree to disagree…I will accept your preference to not take our child on the subway and you accept mine to not microwave that kid’s food.” Okay cool. Sounds like smooth sailing.

Yes, yes until the next topic (which I conveniently can’t remember and which you probably don’t want to hear about) that well wasn’t so smooth sailing as the previous. In my attempt to press the man for answers, he walks away and chooses not to engage because for some weird coocoo reason he thought it was going to escalate into an argument.

Sheesh. Where in the world did he get that brilliant idea?

Ofcourse I disagreed but that didn’t stop him from walking away. Can I tell you how heated I was. I mean heated.

You ever find yourself having a whole conversation with yourself after a disagreement. That was me. “Unbelievable….the nerve….that just ain’t right…etc etc.”

I’m not sure if it’s a woman thing or just a me thing, but I hate leaving conversations undone. AND THIS IS WHERE THE EPIPHANY HIT.

I really believe that in the few minutes after he walked out that God showed me something about myself.

From my experiences growing up in a family whose concept of open communication was next to zero, I find myself trying to overcompensate in my marriage and making sure that communication is never left behind.

“No, I’m going to let you know that this is how I feel and you in turn are going to respond….end of story” That’s not exactly what I said, but it’s definitely what my actions said.

Communication is so necessary and healthy, but not productive or effective if it’s coming from a place of frustration. Sometimes you need to step back and re-visit or just don’t re-visit at all (I would use the powers of discernment here)

Thank God for husband’s wisdom.

But honestly, a part of me still thinks I was just being passionate about what I was saying….

(LET…IT…GO WOMAN….just let it go.)

So, it really doesn’t matter. Why waste thought space when the time could be better spent praying together, cuddling, love-making so on and so on. The latter is definitely better than the former.

So l leave you with this tonight: communicate, let it go, forgive, heal, move-on and get it on. O and pray (wherever you choose to put it in the list). You will be amazed at what happens when you put Him in the mix of it all.

 

Wife to an amazing husband, mother to an exploring toddler and an MPA graduate aspiring to impact the world with encouragement in mothering and in social entrepreneurship.

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