FAITH Diaries: Digging Deeper (Part 2/2)

Have you ever heard of a team building/ice breaker activity called the trust game? In this activity, one person turns their back to another, closes their eyes and drops backward trusting that the other person would catch them from behind. I’ve also heard of one where one person leads another who is blindfolded through obstacles (as in an outdoor game). Sounds easy enough, right (considering you have to trust this random person to not drop you or cause you to bump into something)?

In real life, trust used to be a very hard thing for me to do. People pretended to be who they weren’t and family wasn’t really family as I thought it should be in the pretty little family portrait world I created in my mind. As a result, the walls grew taller and thicker, brick by brick, mortar by mortar. After giving all of myself to some people, my heart was pulled out of my chest, crushed and thrown in the trash. This sounds a bit graphic, but that is what it felt like at the time.

Even though I called myself a Christian and believed God was real, I began to even waver in my trust towards God. No relationship stood a chance not even the one with God. I would pray and pray but somewhere within me, I couldn’t come to a place where I could close my eyes or walk around with a blindfold and follow God’s lead. I began to think that I was cursed with a good heart (eventually figured out I was wrong) because I was still loving on those people even though I didn’t trust them. Maybe I thought I was cursed cause I always ended up being slapped in the face later on (figuratively). Some people would probably say I was quite the fool.

However, let me tell you from personal experience when you hear the words from the bible enough, when you meditate on those words enough, when you say those words enough, your whole perspective changes. So I was reminded that even where human nature fails you, God doesn’t. I was learning to trust again and through trusting Him, the walls slowly came down, brick by brick, mortar by mortar. To this day, I find myself saying to myself the things the bible says about me as a believer of Christ Jesus.

I don’t care how long anyone claims to be a “Christian”, if you do not constantly present to yourself every word that God says about you, if you don’t constantly present to yourself every word that describes his character, how can you truly trust God? How can you trust someone you haven’t taken the time to get to know? Eventually, you will find yourself thinking and not believing and understanding.

My last post ended with the statement: “So Faith is about trust.” I truly believe the two go hand in hand.

One thing I have realized over time as I’m sure many of you have also discovered in your own individual journeys is that your life is shaped by the choices you make. Its no less true when it comes to believing in Jesus Christ. I made a conscious choice to believe God exists and is real. I made a choice, even after my experiences with friends and family, to trust God (he is reliable, he won’t stab me in the back, he has my best interest at heart). And so every tangible thing in my life is placed under this umbrella of trust, under this life decision.

My choice to trust God didn’t take away from the fact that things sucked (for a lack of a better word). BUT, I leaped out and said okay, I will try to trust. As Joyce Meyers says it well: “Trust always requires having some unanswered questions in your life.” (John 20:29)

It was not the easiest thing to do. I wrestled with the thought of being disappointed or things blowing up in my face. I wrestled with hoping for better even though visually and presently, nothing was right and the way it should be in my world. But that’s okay because we can hope for better and finally come to a place of complete conviction that those “unright” and not yet fixed things are nothing but a distraction from the true reality that belongs to us: the joy of the Lord, the peace of the Lord, the righteousness of God.

I feel that faith is security in friendship. The secure foundation that makes a relationship work so well. If you have been blessed with an awesome best friend, then you know that even in the midst of frustration and challenges, one thing never changes about that person: trustworthiness. Through trusting God again, I was able to let go of the past and begin to trust people again.

Faith is the foundation, the epitome, the general makeup of my “Jesus culture” so I couldn’t imagine a lifestyle of mistrust in God again.

Whether it be in Christ Jesus or something else, everyone has a strong conviction in something; a strong conviction that leads to wholehearted trust in that thing.

Ask yourself: What do you have a strong conviction in and how has it affected your life?

Normel Smith

Wife to an amazing husband, mother to an exploring toddler and an MPA graduate aspiring to impact the world with encouragement in mothering and in social entrepreneurship.