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black lives matter

Black America & My Black Home (#blacklivesmatter)

I grieve, I hurt, I bleed internally because I feel the pain of those (Black America) who have suffered and lost life at the hands of abusers with badges. I feel the pain of those related them. I feel the pain of those who are afraid. I feel the pain of a black mother as a black mother because no mother would want another mother to experience the pain of losing a child.

I must admit though

I did not read the articles nor watch the videos of the recent tragedies because I was reminded of all the others and I too became afraid. I was afraid to face news of the corrupted and wicked people who have somehow been privileged to bear the name of public server. I instead resolved to hear of it from my husband. I just couldn’t bear to witness more of the unimaginable. I could not bear to be witness to a seemingly progressive and a regressive America.

Should I be fearful

for myself, my husband, my son, my future children, my church family, my friends and their kids, my other family members, my neighbors, or anyone else I may have passed by or encountered in my everyday travels? How tempting it is to be afraid, to be nervous, to be on guard in case the next officer that talks to me be shifty in his intentions.

black lives matter - black families matter

Confession:

I’m not afraid. I’m numb. I’m more tempted to stay in my bubble of life and family and pretend it’s not happening. I’m tempted to go on about my shopping, my homeschooling, my wifely duties, my sister’s wedding planning and all other things life without giving the tragedies a second thought. But I can’t. That would be the ways of a coward and a selfish human being. I am neither. They had mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles and friends. This is not the time to become jaded. To become jaded is to give social injustice more power in Black America.

I am stumped, however, because I do not know what to do. I’ve learned in my lifetime to trust God, be at peace, be still and have confidence knowing God IS who he promises to be. But this! (#altonsterling and #philandocastille). This will have me tempted to move outside of that way of life.

BUT, I can’t…

because as I listened to my son’s voice yesterday, I knew it was the most empowering and unfailing strategy I had to date.

At 6am yesterday morning, I sat in my prayer corner, exhaled a large breath and began to speak to God. I didn’t attempt to understand. I didn’t attempt to make sense of the “goings ons”, but did what I knew how to do well—pray. In the midst of frustration, I still prayed. John Pavlovitz makes good points on putting our hands to work as Christians and says we must pray less and act more.

 

I’m saying: Pray More & Act More

I pray for America, but do I now add police engagement conversations to the “conversations to have with my son” list along with the “birds and the bees” conversation? Will it even work? Should we educate ourselves and children becoming more familiarized with the law so we know what to say in every type of scenario we can muster? Will that even work?

Does my family really have to resort to the kinds of strategy soldiers in battle have to decide on when faced with the armies of terrorists? Will that even work?

I know a lot of the injustices are directly correlated to a perversion of mindsets adopted in the past. So what do we do exactly?

I don’t have concrete ideas for action at the moment. However, I believe we can start by being unified in bold and aggressive prayer. Some of us will have to be out there in the trenches using our professions, voices and abilities to make a difference and others may have to be holding those in the trenches in prayer.

Think about Moses needing the support of Aaron and Hur to keep his hands up in prayer so Israel could prevail against their enemies. Think about the civil rights movements that gave us certain rights and freedoms. There are 3 words that sum them up to me: prayer, unity and action.

I’m praying for wisdom and boldness for Black America to take peaceable steps and actions, praying for strength, dreams undeterred, unity, peace, closure, preparation and strategy to take root, find its place and become fruitful to effect the changes necessary for today and the future. I’m praying for continual protection over our children and DECLARING the wicked man CANNOT have them. In Jesus Name.

How will you respond?

Wife to an amazing husband, mother to an exploring toddler and an MPA graduate aspiring to impact the world with encouragement in mothering and in social entrepreneurship.

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